I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
