he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
