At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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