I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
