Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
