u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i've created a new STD.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pants are for mortals
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