my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
