and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
