No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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