i just sent this text using only my big toe
so let's talk penis.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
