She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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