it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
