I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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