Who did Billy Mays play for?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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