..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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