I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
