So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
