i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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