why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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