I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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