nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
