did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
