Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
