My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
