She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
