Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
