I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
