we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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