Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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