Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
