Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
