Those balls look pretty dangerous.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
