his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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