So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
