If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk is not a location!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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