Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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