is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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