I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
