She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
