Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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