She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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