i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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