I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
