The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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