I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
