i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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