Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
