this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My balls are so social today.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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