Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
