would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
