Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
