They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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