We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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